* In response to Jackie.

It is amazing how loss affects us. Life just seems to be trucking right along and then... No matter how and when it happens, the experience grabs your attention and does not allow you to focus on anything else.

When I have lost someone, no matter how close, it has always been a hallmark for me. I saw my first dead body in a casket when I was a junior in high school, the father of a close friend. I did not attend my first funeral until I was in college. It was one for a member of the church in Huntsville...Brother Morris Cotton. He and his wife had opened their house to the college group on numerous occassions. We ususally went to their house and sang. My best memories of them are of smiles, open arms and hugs. His funeral was packed with alot of people but not alot of grieving. Again, a lot of smiles, open arms and hugs. For a long time after the services there was an empty seat in the auditorium where he used to sit and people would not sit there, I guess out of respect. But, beyond the obvious, there was just something missing. Kind of like a change in your daily routine or having walked into a room and forgotten why you were there. That sense of having to do something but not quite sure what it was.

Sudden loss can be like a brickwall. Having run into a few things lately that do not give has reminded me that there are things in this life that suddenly grab your attention. The immediate pain will be there but then slowly goes away as the hurting sensation goes away. The hurt will always be there but is easier to deal with.

Gradual loss seems to be easier to handle. You can see it coming and can be prepared for it. It is almost a relief when it occurs. I know when Amy's Dad was injured and in the hospital for about a month before he passed away, it was just a stiff-upper-lip getting-through-the-day-thing and once the eventually occured, it was just a huge relief..like a large weight had been lifted off our shoulders. His passing was the first time in my life that I had lost soemone that close. Yes, I had had my birth mother, several great aunts and grandparents who died...but, other than by time and distance, this was the first time that I had been so intimately involved with the process.

I think it is also so amazing that life goes on without us during the time of grieving. Yards still need to be mowed, dishes need to be washed, kids need to be tended to, bills need to be paid... We still need to eat and sleep. How many times have I stood by the graveside of a loved one and listened to the traffic drive by, felt the sun on my face, the rain on my shoulders, heard birds singing. It is almost a comfort that life continues to function. At the same time, some of the daily routines seem a bit trivial when they are performed. And, I have to admit that there has a feeling of guilt in performing the trivial when a momentous event of this nature has just occured. It's almost as if you are besmirching the memory of an individual by going on with life.

But, we go on and mow the grass because that is how we cope. Life does not stop when an individual does, other than for a time of rememberance. It is just a reminder to us of the temporary nature of life on earth. Let us be thankful that we have things to do to go beyond the staring at the yard.