I am secure in my relationship with God. I have been his child since Wednesday, October 31, 1973. With the aid of his other children and the Holy Spirit, He has helped me through innumerable circumstances, blessed me beyond measure and kept me safe when I have acted outside of myself. I cannot imagine the future that awaits me but I know it is there and that it will be beyond anything I could hope for. I do have Hope. No question about it.
The immediate future is where my concern is. With Amy's upcoming surgery, for some reason I am a bit apprehensive. I don't know if it is just the uncertainty of the outcome of the surgery or what. I am restless. I am finding it hard to relax and be peaceful.
I am concerned for what the doctor's might find. I have confidence in their skill and prognosis, but when it comes to the actual surgery, that is another story. To turn my wife over to them just takes everything out of my control. I know that I have very little, if any, control in this life but what little I have is hard to give over to another person. And sometimes the comfort and prayers of friends just does not seem to do it for me.
Ray hit the nail on the head last Sunday night. Even though I have heard this umpteen times, it hit home. When two people get married they "cleave" to one another. Their lives become so intertwined that they become inseparable. Many of my married friends have been together for so long that it just seems so natural to say, "RobertandJackie", "RayandNell", "JonathanandDralena", "MomandDad"... It is hard not to see one person without the other partner. To say one name without the other...that's just not right! If something should happen, I just cannot imagine her not being here. This is so hard to put in writing...to actually verbalize this thought. To actually see the thought in writing. I don't want to sound as though I doubt. Maybe this is my way of facing my mortality. Not real fun. I hope this makes sense.
4 comments:
Me, too, Dad.
I'm like you in that I'm not worried about the recovery process, but the actual time in the hospital and surgery has been hard for me, too. I know what you said the doctor's said, but I'm also concerned about what they might find.
I'm glad Mom has said everyone around her has been encouraging (for the most part). I don't want to be the one who worries or cries. But with Gregg I do.
I love you, and I hope our prayers do give some comfort. I understand.
I'm in that boat too! Like Erin, I know what the doctors said but the unspoken or unexpected is scary to me too. There really are no words.
Don't forget the 'AndyandAmy'.
I SO know what you're saying. I would rather be put in a situation than Robert. And that 'C' word is three shakes past horrifying. I'll be so much better on the 10th.
you guys are in my prayers. and more importantly; in God's care. He will be along side each one of you and each of those caring for Amy. my prayer today is that you will have comfort and peace, i love you
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